Secret Beach

An “Accidental Tourist” Belizean Travel Expedition

Movie Memories 

Many of you probably don’t remember the beginning of the 1968 classic, “Planet of the Apes.” Charlton Heston and his two crew members crash land on a remote, barren planet. The spaceship sinks into the only lagoon for miles (what luck right), and they set off in their white space suits through mountainous terrain to an eventual rendezvous with Roddy McDowall and the fellas dressed in ape suits. It was the “where we’re going as a society film” of that era, and beyond. My favorite quote from the end of that movie… “Don’t look for it, Taylor. You may not like what you find.” He didn’t, but on this journey, I did.

Fast forward to 2017. A friend promises an experience of a lifetime on Ambergris Caye, Belize. You slightly doze off in the passenger seat in the golf cart. When you awaken (probably due to the potholes), you think you’re on another planet. And as you’re probably sobering up (yes you), you keep looking for Dr. Zaius and a bunch of badly dressed halloween apes on horses to take you away. Hopefully, Nova (Kim Harrison) would be waiting in the cage.

That’s the scenery heading towards Secret Beach on Northern Ambergris Caye, Belize. For years, I’d been trying to get to the place. In December of 2015, water filled potholes turned me around with crocodiles lurking and waiting for a me to make a mistake. Once upon a time, it was a “locals only” destination. Soon, tourists (and the people who make money from tourists) discovered this was a money making destination. If you can make it there (we’ll get to that shortly) it’s an adventure worth your time. 

The First Leg

From the “Sir Barry Bowen” bridge, at the northern tip of San Pedro to Secret Beach is roughly 5 miles. In a car, that would not be a big deal. But the national vehicle of San Pedro is the golf cart, so the journey takes a bit longer. You pay the $10 dollar (tourist toll) for the round trip. I’m pretty sure there’s a legitimate reason for the toll. It seemed like the locals were always getting waved on while the rest of us stopped, handing over a “Hamilton.” As for the trip, I’m told it’s a much easier drive than it used to be. As recent as 2014, the entire route north was unpaved. The posh resorts (and expat residents) up there began complaining that they weren’t getting much for their tax contributions and the visitors were less likely to come back to San Pedro to spend tourist dollars at shops and restaurants. After a lot of haggling, a 2 mile section of the road was paved. So, for about half the trip it’s pretty smooth sailing. Shortly after crossing the bridge, you pass condo buildings, a few restaurants, Dive Bar, The Truck Stop, Stella’s Wine Bar, Rain Rooftop, and residences. The ocean is to your right, and occasionally you’ll see a patch of blue water along the way. New construction and a few old attempts at resorts gone horribly wrong fill the other gaps along the route. Finally, you get to the area I described at the beginning of this tale. There’s a large sign with an arrow pointing left towards Secret Beach. And the real adventure begins.

Crocodiles, to the Left and Right.

Shortly after making that left turn, the world begins to change. The lush, green landscape suddenly disappears. Now, you’re on a pothole and jagged rock packed road (if you can call it that). It’s like mother nature suddenly ran out of decorating money and this is what’s left. I’d been told to watch for crocodiles, as they surely would be watching me. Occasionally, you would hear a large splash of water in the distance. Something big had just moved, but I saw nothing just a ripple of water. Every ¼ mile or so you’d see a sign for Secret Beach, almost like a delusional oasis. Then, you’d drive past a home without water or electricity. The nicer of these 3-5 homes had a solar panel powering something. Ironically though, some of these homes lacked glass in the windows. Looking around, I was expecting to see a 1978 Ford F-150 with a Bayliner boat windshield attached sitting in the carport. It reminded me of the  Mel Gibson movie, “The Road Warrior.” Couple those images with the “Planet of the Apes” theme, and you can visualize my meaning. Back to those homes, I can only imagine the mosquitos being fierce inside at all times of the day and night. After about 20 minutes of hoping you have enough gas, the signs for the beach became abundant. I knew I was closing in. THANK. GOODNESS.

The Beach

Pulling up to the beach was like drinking that first cup of ice cold water after a long drive with a broken air conditioner. You made it, and now let the fun begin! Upon arrival, there’s a bar and beach remotely to the left. But, most of the action appears to be straight ahead and to the right. FIrst, to find a parking spot (aka, section of sand to park on, hopefully not on a ant mound). Speaking of things that bite, I was told to make sure I had plenty of bug spray. Good idea. The mosquitos just flew around you, looking for that one place where you didn’t apply repellant. Walking closer to the water, the ocean breezes kept the critters away for the most part. There’s one major pier and two beach fronts. Both areas have bars attached where you rent chairs/umbrellas and then you’re very well taken care of by the staff. The water here is crystal clear, packed with fish who are not afraid of people. They have no problem swimming all around you. At least in this part of the world, man has not screwed up nature, yet. A few nights prior to this trip, I was told there were holes a few feet offshore where you could literally swim under the island and emerge on the freshwater side. I described it as  “a bar tale” and kept going. Very noticeable is the amount of coral leading right up to the sandy beach. Not surprising, since the second largest barrier reef in the world is less than a mile away. Finally, I settled down in a chair, applied a bit of sunscreen and let my brown skin bake in the sun for a bit. Yes mom, I did have on a hat! I drank bottled water on this trip with the knowledge I had to drive back through the valley of death to get home.

The beach was full of people, but not crowded. I’m told during weekends, you can barely make it here due to the influx of locals who come to claim their playground. I sat and watched children be children, and adults act like children. Never a dull moment here, always an adventure. After getting bored turning crispy in the sun, I got up and wandered east along the beach until it was just coral. The crowds were behind me now, and this was very much natural Belize. Ahead, I saw a couple of people snorkeling and a guide. They were maybe 15 feet away from the shore in about a foot of water. Watching them, the guide went straight down, flippers disappearing into the water. Emerging, he says “you can see all kind of marine life in the hole.” The male snorkeler followed and when he popped up, something had made his day. He spoke with glee of the lobsters, eels and large fish he’d just seen. The guide told me this was the entry point to one of several deep caverns that were along the coast here. He also told me several people died in the past trying to navigate them. From where I stood, I could only see a large dark spot, with sand and coral surrounding it. I did ponder of times past when I’d heard of crocodiles on a Belizean beach. I’d always wondered how they accidentally got to salt water in the first place. Maybe it wasn’t a bar “tale” after all. Around this time, it began to rain, a quick island downpour. All of the people quickly scurried to the palapas for cover. People crowded the bars for strangely higher than normal priced drinks, as the beach was not as inviting. Right about then, the mosquitos came back with a vengeance. People all over (including me) were digging through bags for bug spray! It was on! And it was also the end of this adventure.

The ride back was uneventful other than seeing several large and medium iguanas scurry about. I made it back without incident, finding myself at my favorite lunchtime spot, Frydays to share my story with the manager, Shelby. I’d be the first to admit the ride to the beach was probably better than than the beach itself. You can find plenty of awesome water, sand and sun around San Pedro. But, riding near crocodiles make for a better story, right?

You don’t have to go to Secret Beach to find your adventure. Life dishes out challenges at work, I-95 during rush hour, Grand Parkway, Zilker Park, and your child “losing homework” on the first day of school. Of course you’ll find a challenge or two at HEB and Piggly Wiggly or, learning your favorite Williamsburg Farm Fresh is closing after 30 years!. First world problems, surely. 

From one Accidental Tourist to another, be careful out there as life comes at you in real time. And of course, don’t forget to tell someone you love them. You could make their day.

Love and continued success to my son Glenn Jr., beginning his college journey this week in North Carolina.

Glenn ~ “The Accidental Tourist”